We’ve all made them: Relational Mistakes! Building great relationships is one of the trickiest things in the world.
When done wrong, it becomes a nightmare that will haunt you for a long while. When done correctly, it becomes the greatest blessing to your life and everyone around you.
So what’s the deal? Why are so many, and I do mean many, so pathetic when it comes to dating/courting/marriage relationships? It’s easier to ask a nine-year old to drive to town for the groceries than it is to expect (some) adults to get the dating-courting-marriage thing right.
Let me share with you two relational facts – ‘Relational Laws’ that will never change and happens to be the fundamental solution to our relational unhappiness.
If you want to take control and “uncomplicate” your Love-life, first accept this:
Who you attract (or who you reject) in your life, and who you keep (or who you lose) in your life, essentially trickles down to this: what you VALUE.
Let me explain…
What you value is not only a question of compatibility… what you value determines what you find attractive!
I value a woman who has respect and humility. Guess what? I found and DID marry a woman who is respectful and humble.
Some people value physical beauty, resulting in them being willing to sacrifice all other traits for physical appearance in a partner.
Others value intelligence above all else, resulting in them being willing to overlook other traits for intelligence.
The fact remains; what you value determines what you attract in others, which determines the kind of partners you pursue and the people you end up in relationships with.
So why are there so many couples who are unfulfilled, unhappy and miserable in their relationships? Well, it’s simple. They are playing the relationship game with the wrong rules. This is the reason your Facebook relationship status reads “complicated” or “divorced.”
Dating or courting successfully requires you to understand and avoid the following two problems:
You value the wrong traits in a partner — traits that are actually incompatible with you. This eventually creates a weak relationship.
(Look out for my online course and new book coming soon: “Successful Dating”. In here I deal with the difference between Compatibility and Chemistry).
It goes deeper than that. What you value also determines what you desire to cultivate and invest your time and resources in for yourself.
Compatibility – it is the golden key to building a marriage based on a lasting and genuine friendship.
You focus and work on developing the wrong traits in yourself — traits that attract people who are incompatible or a bad partner for you.
Have you ever seen a girl or a guy who has a good and moral upbringing lose their way? Why does this happen?
If you are exposed and involved with a someone with values and standards that aren’t yours, it won’t be long before you find yourself becoming that person you hate. What you focus on is what you eventually become.
It all boils back down to what you value. Decide your values, prioritise them and then date from this position.
For instance, if you value spirituality and you desire to be with a person who loves God as you do, keep investing in your spiritual life.
Never change who you are or what you value, to attract someone who does not value you (or what you value).
This will transform your dating life completely!
What one values is important, indicating the reason why some relationships are better than others.
For instance, honesty generates better relationships than muscle or money.
Trust generates better relationships than power and status.
Respect generates better relationships than always being right.
These are some simple, but fundamental principles.
All of these examples will be explored in much more depth in
my course “Successful Dating”.